Monday, April 20, 2009

the 'eyes' have it

I was just thinking about mascara,
which is something I do a number of times on any given day.
In fact, if the things about which I most frequently think are, in no particular order:
sex, mascara, religion, the recession/money in general, the environment, food, and politics. I have , personal involvement in all of these subjects, 1.8 degrees (yes, that's how I'm calculating the finished portion of my Master's degree.) arguable expertise in 4 of them, and make the most frequent use of mascara. Well, probably money if you think about it in terms of goods and services already paid for, or in the process of being paid for, but I don't *feel* as though I use money every single day, or even on as many days as those on which I wear mascara, which is between 4 and 7 days of any given week.
No matter what my life is like, I can pretty safely say, that I wear, have worn, and will wear mascara more than I am currently having, have had, or will have sex, or probably even masturbate. Okay, maybe the last part is not true,, but my lifetime of mascara is probably even to that of masturbation, and exceeds the amount of sex.
I've been wearing makeup since I was 12, I didn't start having sex for another five years after that. I have definitely owned more tubes of mascara than I have had sexual partners. Hell, after having thrown out any of the ones that are even kind of old, I currently own ten. Even if I only went through the hygienically recommended 2-4 tubes a year, which I do not, I would be at a minimum of 26-52 tubes. I have had fewer than 52 lovers. Then take into account the fact that I will almost unquestioningly purchase every 3rd or so new product that claims that it will give me inhumanly long, thick, and dark eyelashes. If I had sex with approximately the same proportion of people in the world as mascaras I buy out of those on the market... I can't even begin to do the math or think of the consequences.
Mascara is so often (though granted, not always) easier to come by than sex, and has left me with unpleasant feelings far less frequently. Disappointing new formula, eh, bad sex - boo. No mascara wand has ever made me feel used, no matter how much I've regretted its purchase, how miserably it failed to live up to my expectations, or how overpriced I may have thought it was.

So, back to what I was thinking,
I was thinking that I should have a blog dedicated entirely to mascara - product testing, and my excessive internal dialogue about it. Then I was thinking that I simply haven't got the money to toss away on the amount of makeup I would have to buy in order to post on anything like a regular basis with anything valuable to say. I would have to buy it, or at least own it in order to give it a proper test - take pictures, wear it for a couple of days during a number of different activities, etc., etc. I'm sure I would begin to try the patience of even the nice people at Sephora were I to walk in every morning to put on a product and leave without purchase that often.
I could of course START WITH WHAT I HAVE and what I have had/worn. I've got a more than solid base from which to start. I have far better chances of people sending me free mascara to try, review, and enjoy, than I do sex toys and products, like say Essin'Em does. I'm just not that cool, nor do I feel quite that authoritative. Believe me, I want to be. I want people send me free condoms, lubes, sex toys, porn, and furniture because I'm awesome and my opinion is respected, but I just haven't got the highest of hopes for that happening. Mascara on the other hand, mascara, I know. I wouldn't really need anyone else to help me test it, although I'm sure my friends, the odd stranger, and Mon Amore would weigh in on occasion. There's also very little to get in the way of my wearing/testing mascara. It takes remarkably little time to put on, and I can obviously be wearing, ergo: testing mascara while doing any number of other things - including having sex/masturbating, whereas the former activities tend to limit one's ability to do a whole lot else, at least, the way I've been doing them. I also might mention times like the present, at which I have a really horrible sinus infection and barely feel capible of doing anything, and most definitely cannot be having sex - I'm really kind of astounded I'm thinking corherantly enough for long enough to write this, but you bet your ass I was wearing mascara this morning. Hell, I even bought some fiberwig while waiting for my antibiotics to be ready.

So, the moral of the story I suppose, is would you read it if I blogged about mascara? Do you have suggestions as to what I should write about? Would you like to send me products to try? Shameless, I know.

- I am happy to say, that I have never contracted a disease from a sex or mascara.

*knock wood*

2 comments:

Emily said...

Kinsey. I would totally read if you blogged about mascara.

Kinsey said...

www.eyeobsess.blogspot.com