Thursday, July 9, 2009


Apologies for the hiatus. Life happened, I allowed it to prevent me from writing.
The truth is that I find it difficult honestly to talk about myself. No, really.
The feedback which I have consistently been getting for the past two years at Naropa is that I am 'too academic' and do not speak enough from my own experience. I find it uncomfortable.
On that subject, Mon Amore had the following to say,
"That's kind of what you (all) do there (Naropa). You drink chai and feel uncomfortable. "

I have spent so much of my life cultivating a certain kind of persona - one that is glib and detached, and that laughs away its discomfort and unhappiness. I am afraid of making myself vulnerable by really exposing myself. I am afraid of being disliked, or unlovable for having feelings that I think of as negative, undesirable, or unpleasant. Blame it on being a WASP, blame it on being a woman trying to succeed in male-dominated academics, (not to mention, um, society), blame it on the person who told me that people didn't like me because I was gloomy when I was a child, blame it on the Bossanova, but there it is.
I've spent most of the life that I can remember being entirely too busy to let my feelings in, or out, and made myself focus on what needed to be done. This obviously isn't healthy. I've been working on it in a number of ways, and now am coping to the fact in a public forum. *Whew*

Why is this relevant/Why am I telling you this?
Because it greatly affects the way that I talk and write about sex and sexuality. I've been a lot more comfortable being a bit detached on the issue, and very rarely writing about my own feelings, experiences, etc. Consider this my pledge to you and to me to try to be more honest and direct and to tell it like it is, and hopefully, therefore, to post a little more regularly.

Posts to follow:
issues in masturbation
when sex is too intense