Yesterday, I bought a personal massager. No, really, an item which even I believe is intended for the relief and relaxation of sore muscles in the neck and shoulders.
I am a little embarrassed because I spend so much time laughing at 'personal massagers' in places like the drug store, Brookstone, Target, WALMART of all places (apparently its okay to jerk off, so long as you don't admit to it, but heaven and the Right-Wing, Conservative God forbid that one might need Plan-B )and even at the sex store when the packaging (often due to state laws about shipping and dispensing sex toys. Pardon me, 'Adult novelties') declares the item to be such. I just really feel as though these people aren't fooling anyone, and we all need to get over it. The mystery and shame around masturbation and the use of sex toys in general needs to be lifted, and definitely needs to be removed from the realm of law.
"It is illegal to sell vibrators in the follow states: Alabama, Missippi, Georgia, Louisiana, and Indiana. In some states, if you are caught with intent to sell, you could receieve up to five thousand dollars in fines and face up to 3 years of hard labor. It is totally legal to sell guns in all of these states. We have yet to hear of a mass murder committed with a vibrator"
-Eve Ensler, 'The Vagina Monologues, V-Day Edition' Facts from "The Technology of Orgasm" by Rachel Maines.
My personal massager, which I repeat, is not a vibrator; I am well-supplied in those, came with a recharging base, so it doesn't need batteries. It claims to be a deep-kneeding massager, and has an easy to hold handle. The balls on the end that vibrate light up. I don't know why. It is manufactured by HoMedics, who claim to be the top-selling retailer of personal massagers and home spa products.
So in this instance, I suppose I must eat many of my words, and admit that sometimes, a massager is just a massager. Although, with the creative thinking of that paragon of informed sexuality of Samatha Jones, one never knows.
Brookstone Customer: I think this one really is a back-massager.
Samantha : Not if you mount it.
1 comment:
My friend was helping me organize my place the other day, and came across a BACK MASSAGER that I had bought with a gift card. She got that knowing look in her eye.
Her: "Oh, I know what this is for."
Me: "My back?"
Her: "Don't be silly, look at who I'm talking to."
*leading her to my bedroom, where I open my rolling sex toy trunk and sex toy chest*
Me: "No sunshine, that really IS for my back, these are for my cunt."
Apparently, perverts like myself don't need their backs massaged.
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