This is EXACTLY what I have always been concerned about.
Glass toys are pretty, they seem interesting, but they frigging terrify me, not matter how unusual problems with them are. ITS GLASS and very important, sensitive parts of the body. I break most everything that it is possible to break, and have what I am told is an extraordinarily *strong* vagina. If its possible to break a glass toy during penetration, I'd be the one who could do it.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Saturday, September 5, 2009
P Style
I really, really want the P Style STAT.
Apparently, this offers a clean and covenient way for people to stand up to people for people who cannot do so otherwise. OMG! I have been trying to learn how to pee standing up since whenever it was that I found out that people with penises could do that probably at - 3 or 4 years old.
This has resulted in years, and years of messy and unsuccessful experiments. I was forced to come to the conclusion that my particular anatomy does not lend itself well to it. I've been told that lots of other female-bodied folks can pee standing up with relatively little difficulty. I simply cannot without hitting my foot or dribbling down my leg. At first I blamed this on the comparative size of my left labia minora to the right, but after trying to push them out of the way, it seems that my urethra itself angles to the side - or at least the stream that comes out of it does.
I know there are a few pack and pee devices out there, but have not heard great things about any of them. Reviews from everyone I know who has tried them always mention that there is some unavoidable dribble, either on the outside of the packy, or down the leg.
While I'm not sure that this is the perfect solution for trans guys, as the logistics of using this to pee in public with or without a packy strike me as kind of difficult, but who knows, maybe I'm wrong. I would absolutely love to try both with and without and see how it goes.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Getting down to it
Ok, issues in masturbation....
There is of course, the obvious stuff, such as privacy. So much of my life has been lived in shared quarters with family, roommates, or Significant Others. Whether in my bedroom as a teenager, when I was compelled to leave the door open at all times lest my dog become frantic about being denied access or exit, sharing a room as a first-year and sophomore in College, having thin walls in apartments with roommates junior and senior year, and a condo with my uncle and cousin, I've always been very aware of volume - both my own, and potentially that of any toys I might use.
Its entirely possible that this isn't even a real issue, but regardless, my concern about it has been very real, and therefore hindered my being comfortable about getting down with myself.
In regards to S.O.s: I feel weird doing it when they're around and not in any way involved. This I guess comes back to noise as well, but also some shaming about my sexuality that occurred in a past relationship. My masturbating, if it were known about, was taken as some kind of affront to my S.O.'s ability to satisfy me, and used as an accusation that I was entirely to sexual - meaning I was weird, needy, and otherwise (as was so often the theme in our relationship) 'too much' for her, especially in that I'm multi-orgasmic, so one orgasm (which really is not that difficult a thing for me to achieve) is not THE END.
With Mon Amore this is not this case, but I still feel weird. Our last apartment was a modestly sized one-bedroom, access to the bathroom was through the bedroom, and for the cats, like my beloved dog, deal poorly with the bedroom door being closed. There was just no way for me to be able to jerk off and NOT have him know about it. Knowing about it would probably have been fine, and most likely has to do with residual hang-ups and shame from THE EX than anything else, but I have really yet to get over.
I also needed to see through the stupidity of the idea that my sex life with a partner 'should be enough' for me. My masturbating doesn't in any way mean that I'm not sexually happy/fulfilled with my partner, it just means that there's more to my sex life than that. It also isn't anyone's job but my own to see to my sexual satisfaction - even if other people are a part of it.
I became accustomed to a masturbatory quickie, most often in the shower, as that was generally the place that I had the most privacy in all phases of my life. It was a matter of getting off as quickly and quietly as possible. I never really took the time to explore/try things, and just did what I knew worked.
Then, there's scheduling. (No, really.) The obvious solution to having a difficult time masturbating when M.A. is home would of course be to do it in his absence. The thing is, my life and my sex drive don't work like that. I can't seem to pencil in time for solo pleasure, and tend to see having the apartment to myself as an opportunity to enjoy quiet and solitude for getting work done or doing yoga, to clean and organize and things like that because I can be a little manic about it and feel as though its better to when I'm alone, or things that I generally prefer to do with lots of time and space to myself, like color my hair without the smell and mess disturbing anyone else.( It's mostly natural, but I've been highlighting it lately, and currently have a fetching magenta streak.)
I'm horny when I'm horny, and not really on some easily mapped-out schedule. I am trying to learn to put time aside/ be more flexible with my intense over-scheduling of my life.
When M.A. was recently away for a week I committed to spending some quality time with myself. I realized the missing final ingredient - arousal. It's one thing to feel horny/sexual, and entirely another really to be aroused. In the past I had never taken the time to 'get in the mood' or whatever you want to call it, and just went straight for the finish line.
By relaxing about all of it, using porn to help me to get excited, and taking it slow, I a had much more satisfying time. I kept going until I felt DONE, and not just tied over or something.
For the first time in my life, I even managed to ejaculate by myself!
I'm trying to remind myself that I am in charge of my own sexuality, and that there's nothing wrong or weird about me.
*blush*
There, I said it.
There is of course, the obvious stuff, such as privacy. So much of my life has been lived in shared quarters with family, roommates, or Significant Others. Whether in my bedroom as a teenager, when I was compelled to leave the door open at all times lest my dog become frantic about being denied access or exit, sharing a room as a first-year and sophomore in College, having thin walls in apartments with roommates junior and senior year, and a condo with my uncle and cousin, I've always been very aware of volume - both my own, and potentially that of any toys I might use.
Its entirely possible that this isn't even a real issue, but regardless, my concern about it has been very real, and therefore hindered my being comfortable about getting down with myself.
In regards to S.O.s: I feel weird doing it when they're around and not in any way involved. This I guess comes back to noise as well, but also some shaming about my sexuality that occurred in a past relationship. My masturbating, if it were known about, was taken as some kind of affront to my S.O.'s ability to satisfy me, and used as an accusation that I was entirely to sexual - meaning I was weird, needy, and otherwise (as was so often the theme in our relationship) 'too much' for her, especially in that I'm multi-orgasmic, so one orgasm (which really is not that difficult a thing for me to achieve) is not THE END.
With Mon Amore this is not this case, but I still feel weird. Our last apartment was a modestly sized one-bedroom, access to the bathroom was through the bedroom, and for the cats, like my beloved dog, deal poorly with the bedroom door being closed. There was just no way for me to be able to jerk off and NOT have him know about it. Knowing about it would probably have been fine, and most likely has to do with residual hang-ups and shame from THE EX than anything else, but I have really yet to get over.
I also needed to see through the stupidity of the idea that my sex life with a partner 'should be enough' for me. My masturbating doesn't in any way mean that I'm not sexually happy/fulfilled with my partner, it just means that there's more to my sex life than that. It also isn't anyone's job but my own to see to my sexual satisfaction - even if other people are a part of it.
I became accustomed to a masturbatory quickie, most often in the shower, as that was generally the place that I had the most privacy in all phases of my life. It was a matter of getting off as quickly and quietly as possible. I never really took the time to explore/try things, and just did what I knew worked.
Then, there's scheduling. (No, really.) The obvious solution to having a difficult time masturbating when M.A. is home would of course be to do it in his absence. The thing is, my life and my sex drive don't work like that. I can't seem to pencil in time for solo pleasure, and tend to see having the apartment to myself as an opportunity to enjoy quiet and solitude for getting work done or doing yoga, to clean and organize and things like that because I can be a little manic about it and feel as though its better to when I'm alone, or things that I generally prefer to do with lots of time and space to myself, like color my hair without the smell and mess disturbing anyone else.( It's mostly natural, but I've been highlighting it lately, and currently have a fetching magenta streak.)
I'm horny when I'm horny, and not really on some easily mapped-out schedule. I am trying to learn to put time aside/ be more flexible with my intense over-scheduling of my life.
When M.A. was recently away for a week I committed to spending some quality time with myself. I realized the missing final ingredient - arousal. It's one thing to feel horny/sexual, and entirely another really to be aroused. In the past I had never taken the time to 'get in the mood' or whatever you want to call it, and just went straight for the finish line.
By relaxing about all of it, using porn to help me to get excited, and taking it slow, I a had much more satisfying time. I kept going until I felt DONE, and not just tied over or something.
For the first time in my life, I even managed to ejaculate by myself!
I'm trying to remind myself that I am in charge of my own sexuality, and that there's nothing wrong or weird about me.
*blush*
There, I said it.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Nose to the grindstone
Okay,
at this point I think we just need to say the summer was a wash and move on with it.
I am a nerdy nerdface and all, but I really have never wanted the summer to end so badly so I could get back to the business of school, etc. I am, of course, also terrified. This is theoretically my LAST semester of my Master's degree. Holy pressure cooker, batman!
It's weird, but probably true that getting back to the ol' scholastic routine will actually be easier and less hectic than my current life on the Fringe, and everything else that's been thrown at me this summer.
As I am well stocked with school supplies, and can't honestly say that I need clothes, I got myself the G-Force, and layaspot for fall! They've been on my wish list (both mental and literal) for a while, so I figured now was as good a time as any. It really isn't, given that I haven't been employed for the greater part of the summer, and get paid MONTHLY.
I can't be completely responsible and frugal all the time. The 07-08 school year was so difficult with my student loans not clearing until MAY, and trying to live on my meager savings of a year off and a $7 an hour job. I didn't have enough socks, by any standard, there were holes in my boots, and I had huge hospital bills and no way of paying them. Things are better now, but I think it put me a little bit into the 'poverty mentality,' fearing lack and almost always feeling it, such that I became a little self-pitying and overindulgent for a while. I think I am approaching a healthy balance of all of what I need, and some of what I want - paying the bills and not having a minor anxiety attack about buying a pumpkin-spice latte.
What did all of that have to do with sex?
A: investing in my well-being, happiness, and satisfaction, which I have been convinced falls somewhere in the 'things I need' category, right up there with a gym membership and decent skin care products.
I will report back on my purchases soon, as well as the long-since-overdue posts I've promised.
xo
at this point I think we just need to say the summer was a wash and move on with it.
I am a nerdy nerdface and all, but I really have never wanted the summer to end so badly so I could get back to the business of school, etc. I am, of course, also terrified. This is theoretically my LAST semester of my Master's degree. Holy pressure cooker, batman!
It's weird, but probably true that getting back to the ol' scholastic routine will actually be easier and less hectic than my current life on the Fringe, and everything else that's been thrown at me this summer.
As I am well stocked with school supplies, and can't honestly say that I need clothes, I got myself the G-Force, and layaspot for fall! They've been on my wish list (both mental and literal) for a while, so I figured now was as good a time as any. It really isn't, given that I haven't been employed for the greater part of the summer, and get paid MONTHLY.
I can't be completely responsible and frugal all the time. The 07-08 school year was so difficult with my student loans not clearing until MAY, and trying to live on my meager savings of a year off and a $7 an hour job. I didn't have enough socks, by any standard, there were holes in my boots, and I had huge hospital bills and no way of paying them. Things are better now, but I think it put me a little bit into the 'poverty mentality,' fearing lack and almost always feeling it, such that I became a little self-pitying and overindulgent for a while. I think I am approaching a healthy balance of all of what I need, and some of what I want - paying the bills and not having a minor anxiety attack about buying a pumpkin-spice latte.
What did all of that have to do with sex?
A: investing in my well-being, happiness, and satisfaction, which I have been convinced falls somewhere in the 'things I need' category, right up there with a gym membership and decent skin care products.
I will report back on my purchases soon, as well as the long-since-overdue posts I've promised.
xo
Friday, August 14, 2009
Life on the Fringe
I know, I promised to post more.
I'm working on my post about my getting over some hang ups and getting down with myself.
I took some time while Mon Amore was away to use the time and space to get comfortable with masturbating, and figure out what works for me in that way, beyond the basic, 'okay, I had an orgasm.' Full details to come.
I'm working like crazy right now for the Boulder International Fringe Festival.
So far the two shows I've seen are great and super-interesting.
5th Circle Theatre Company is putting on 'Pick Your Own Path,: The Return of the Mystery of the Journey Through Time to the Secret Lost City of the Evil Robotic Abominable Snowman King of Nabooti (Zombie Space Ninja Pirates!!!): A Musical Adventure'
Theatre Reverb presents 'Bonne Nuit Poo Poo,'This wild, interactive, comedic tale is inspired by the Mad Max trilogy and its erotic science fiction dystopian genre, Goodnight Moon, and all other cultural ephemera connected to goodbyes and imagined end times. Max, Maxi and the Operator hunt for a living seed in this action-packed collage of pop-culture and apocalyptic fantasy film featuring video, text, movement, dance, and stream-of-consciousness comedy.
The Venue is the Community Dance Collective in Boulder.
go to 2125 Pearl, business between 21st and 22nd Sts. that is Futon store, enter their parking lot, go left at end of their building, studio will be directly in front of you.
Come see a show!!!
I'm working on my post about my getting over some hang ups and getting down with myself.
I took some time while Mon Amore was away to use the time and space to get comfortable with masturbating, and figure out what works for me in that way, beyond the basic, 'okay, I had an orgasm.' Full details to come.
I'm working like crazy right now for the Boulder International Fringe Festival.
So far the two shows I've seen are great and super-interesting.
5th Circle Theatre Company is putting on 'Pick Your Own Path,: The Return of the Mystery of the Journey Through Time to the Secret Lost City of the Evil Robotic Abominable Snowman King of Nabooti (Zombie Space Ninja Pirates!!!): A Musical Adventure'
Theatre Reverb presents 'Bonne Nuit Poo Poo,'This wild, interactive, comedic tale is inspired by the Mad Max trilogy and its erotic science fiction dystopian genre, Goodnight Moon, and all other cultural ephemera connected to goodbyes and imagined end times. Max, Maxi and the Operator hunt for a living seed in this action-packed collage of pop-culture and apocalyptic fantasy film featuring video, text, movement, dance, and stream-of-consciousness comedy.
The Venue is the Community Dance Collective in Boulder.
go to 2125 Pearl, business between 21st and 22nd Sts. that is Futon store, enter their parking lot, go left at end of their building, studio will be directly in front of you.
Come see a show!!!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
discomfort
Apologies for the hiatus. Life happened, I allowed it to prevent me from writing.
The truth is that I find it difficult honestly to talk about myself. No, really.
The feedback which I have consistently been getting for the past two years at Naropa is that I am 'too academic' and do not speak enough from my own experience. I find it uncomfortable.
On that subject, Mon Amore had the following to say,
"That's kind of what you (all) do there (Naropa). You drink chai and feel uncomfortable. "
I have spent so much of my life cultivating a certain kind of persona - one that is glib and detached, and that laughs away its discomfort and unhappiness. I am afraid of making myself vulnerable by really exposing myself. I am afraid of being disliked, or unlovable for having feelings that I think of as negative, undesirable, or unpleasant. Blame it on being a WASP, blame it on being a woman trying to succeed in male-dominated academics, (not to mention, um, society), blame it on the person who told me that people didn't like me because I was gloomy when I was a child, blame it on the Bossanova, but there it is.
I've spent most of the life that I can remember being entirely too busy to let my feelings in, or out, and made myself focus on what needed to be done. This obviously isn't healthy. I've been working on it in a number of ways, and now am coping to the fact in a public forum. *Whew*
Why is this relevant/Why am I telling you this?
Because it greatly affects the way that I talk and write about sex and sexuality. I've been a lot more comfortable being a bit detached on the issue, and very rarely writing about my own feelings, experiences, etc. Consider this my pledge to you and to me to try to be more honest and direct and to tell it like it is, and hopefully, therefore, to post a little more regularly.
Posts to follow:
issues in masturbation
when sex is too intense
Love,
Kinsey
The truth is that I find it difficult honestly to talk about myself. No, really.
The feedback which I have consistently been getting for the past two years at Naropa is that I am 'too academic' and do not speak enough from my own experience. I find it uncomfortable.
On that subject, Mon Amore had the following to say,
"That's kind of what you (all) do there (Naropa). You drink chai and feel uncomfortable. "
I have spent so much of my life cultivating a certain kind of persona - one that is glib and detached, and that laughs away its discomfort and unhappiness. I am afraid of making myself vulnerable by really exposing myself. I am afraid of being disliked, or unlovable for having feelings that I think of as negative, undesirable, or unpleasant. Blame it on being a WASP, blame it on being a woman trying to succeed in male-dominated academics, (not to mention, um, society), blame it on the person who told me that people didn't like me because I was gloomy when I was a child, blame it on the Bossanova, but there it is.
I've spent most of the life that I can remember being entirely too busy to let my feelings in, or out, and made myself focus on what needed to be done. This obviously isn't healthy. I've been working on it in a number of ways, and now am coping to the fact in a public forum. *Whew*
Why is this relevant/Why am I telling you this?
Because it greatly affects the way that I talk and write about sex and sexuality. I've been a lot more comfortable being a bit detached on the issue, and very rarely writing about my own feelings, experiences, etc. Consider this my pledge to you and to me to try to be more honest and direct and to tell it like it is, and hopefully, therefore, to post a little more regularly.
Posts to follow:
issues in masturbation
when sex is too intense
Love,
Kinsey
Thursday, June 4, 2009
On Monogamy
This post has been percolating in my head for a while. I've been having a hard time properly wording exactly what it is that I'm trying to express. I fully anticipate not doing so especially well, and offending/angering people, and for that I apologize in advance. (not that I have much of a readership to offend.)
Thus:
Let me first say that I have the utmost respect for polyamory, and polyamorous people and relationships. I think that its really, really, great that there is an increasing amount of space for, and understanding of, all kinds of ways of having and engaging in relationships in our society. I am completely and totally in support, of healthy, informed, consensual (and ideally, happy) relationships of all kinds.
I'm am familiar with the sociological and psychological arguments for, and reasoning behind non-monogamy. I'm also aware of the evolutionary anthropological evidence that monogamy in human romantic relationships are a relatively recent phenomenon and strictly speaking, not entirely 'natural.'*
What I do not understand is this: the fact that I get the distinct impression that in a lot of communities to which I think I belong, monogamy is NOT ALRIGHT. Non-monogamy is the norm. Being a norm isn't an issue as far as I'm concerned, what is an issue is the treatment of what falls outside the norm, being monogamous relationships. Being in the minority is fine by me. What is not fine is being treated as though I am some kind of behind-the-times, prudish, uptight, un-liberated, freak for having a monogamous relationship. It's like Mon Amore and I are dinosaurs, or the last unicorns or something.
We have discussed it. We considered making our relationship work in that way. M.A. and I came to the conclusion that that is not who we are, how we work, or the way that we want to have our relationship. It's not for us, as individuals, or as a couple.
So why is that not alright!? People inquiring do not ask 'Are you two monogamous,' or 'Are you in an open relationship?,' but rather they say, 'You guys are open, right?' or, 'So you're poly.' They also seem genuinely shocked and disgusted that no, actually, we're not.
I RESPECT YOUR SEXUAL IDENTITY AND RELATIONSHIPS,
WHY CAN'T YOU RESPECT MINE?
Honestly. Creating a new dominant paradigm and marginalizing/persecuting people outside of it is not at all better or more alright than the old paradigm and systems of oppression against which you are fighting. The oppressed becoming the oppressors. The subject has been deeply explored over the past couple of centuries, in regards to things like revolutions: a minority gains power over the majority population that was oppressing them, or a less privileged socio-economic class overthrows an upper-class minority that has been keeping them down, and then proceeds in no time at all to engage in all the same kinds of discriminatory, keeping-people-down, FUCKED UP activities as the people that they overthrew did against them.
Alright, I'm done now.
*I might point out that a heck of a lot of the things we do nowadays bare no resemblance to anything natural whatsoever, but I digress.
Thus:
Let me first say that I have the utmost respect for polyamory, and polyamorous people and relationships. I think that its really, really, great that there is an increasing amount of space for, and understanding of, all kinds of ways of having and engaging in relationships in our society. I am completely and totally in support, of healthy, informed, consensual (and ideally, happy) relationships of all kinds.
I'm am familiar with the sociological and psychological arguments for, and reasoning behind non-monogamy. I'm also aware of the evolutionary anthropological evidence that monogamy in human romantic relationships are a relatively recent phenomenon and strictly speaking, not entirely 'natural.'*
What I do not understand is this: the fact that I get the distinct impression that in a lot of communities to which I think I belong, monogamy is NOT ALRIGHT. Non-monogamy is the norm. Being a norm isn't an issue as far as I'm concerned, what is an issue is the treatment of what falls outside the norm, being monogamous relationships. Being in the minority is fine by me. What is not fine is being treated as though I am some kind of behind-the-times, prudish, uptight, un-liberated, freak for having a monogamous relationship. It's like Mon Amore and I are dinosaurs, or the last unicorns or something.
We have discussed it. We considered making our relationship work in that way. M.A. and I came to the conclusion that that is not who we are, how we work, or the way that we want to have our relationship. It's not for us, as individuals, or as a couple.
So why is that not alright!? People inquiring do not ask 'Are you two monogamous,' or 'Are you in an open relationship?,' but rather they say, 'You guys are open, right?' or, 'So you're poly.' They also seem genuinely shocked and disgusted that no, actually, we're not.
I RESPECT YOUR SEXUAL IDENTITY AND RELATIONSHIPS,
WHY CAN'T YOU RESPECT MINE?
Honestly. Creating a new dominant paradigm and marginalizing/persecuting people outside of it is not at all better or more alright than the old paradigm and systems of oppression against which you are fighting. The oppressed becoming the oppressors. The subject has been deeply explored over the past couple of centuries, in regards to things like revolutions: a minority gains power over the majority population that was oppressing them, or a less privileged socio-economic class overthrows an upper-class minority that has been keeping them down, and then proceeds in no time at all to engage in all the same kinds of discriminatory, keeping-people-down, FUCKED UP activities as the people that they overthrew did against them.
Alright, I'm done now.
*I might point out that a heck of a lot of the things we do nowadays bare no resemblance to anything natural whatsoever, but I digress.
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