there's an app for that!

I recently pontificated that if my Kobo, iPod, and vibrator were all one magical device that could also tell me how great my ass looks in those jeans and that I'm way prettier than my ex's new flame, I would pretty much never have any need for a Significant Other again.*

Listener's response: There's got to be an app for that!

*except for the part that a magical literary/musical/film/orgasm inducing/self-esteem device can't hold you at night or go to the pharmacy for you when you're sick.

This is EXACTLY what I have always been concerned about.
Glass toys are pretty, they seem interesting, but they frigging terrify me, not matter how unusual problems with them are. ITS GLASS and very important, sensitive parts of the body. I break most everything that it is possible to break, and have what I am told is an extraordinarily *strong* vagina. If its possible to break a glass toy during penetration, I'd be the one who could do it.

Nose to the grindstone

Okay,
at this point I think we just need to say the summer was a wash and move on with it.
I am a nerdy nerdface and all, but I really have never wanted the summer to end so badly so I could get back to the business of school, etc. I am, of course, also terrified. This is theoretically my LAST semester of my Master's degree. Holy pressure cooker, batman!

It's weird, but probably true that getting back to the ol' scholastic routine will actually be easier and less hectic than my current life on the Fringe, and everything else that's been thrown at me this summer.

As I am well stocked with school supplies, and can't honestly say that I need clothes, I got myself the G-Force, and layaspot for fall! They've been on my wish list (both mental and literal) for a while, so I figured now was as good a time as any. It really isn't, given that I haven't been employed for the greater part of the summer, and get paid MONTHLY.

I can't be completely responsible and frugal all the time. The 07-08 school year was so difficult with my student loans not clearing until MAY, and trying to live on my meager savings of a year off and a $7 an hour job. I didn't have enough socks, by any standard, there were holes in my boots, and I had huge hospital bills and no way of paying them. Things are better now, but I think it put me a little bit into the 'poverty mentality,' fearing lack and almost always feeling it, such that I became a little self-pitying and overindulgent for a while. I think I am approaching a healthy balance of all of what I need, and some of what I want - paying the bills and not having a minor anxiety attack about buying a pumpkin-spice latte.

What did all of that have to do with sex?
A: investing in my well-being, happiness, and satisfaction, which I have been convinced falls somewhere in the 'things I need' category, right up there with a gym membership and decent skin care products.

I will report back on my purchases soon, as well as the long-since-overdue posts I've promised.
xo

new digs, can you dig it?

Mon Amore and I just began to move into our fabulous, spacious, airy, new ground floor apartment!
Things about the ground floor apartment: we're going to have to be careful about closing the blinds (in the living room AND the bedroom) so people can't see us having sex when they walk by!
No free shows here.
Things about which one does not need to worry on the third floor, with no one else's windows facing ours.

We were discussing earlier what to do about moving sex toys and porn so that no one will see/hear them. The answer we've come up with is as follows: make sure all batteries are removed, pack securely, and label as something really, really uninteresting and vaguely personal, such as 'taxes' or 'applications'.

We also got a great new television to go along with the great new apartment at a really good deal, on which to watch porn. Perhaps we'll have to get something exciting and new with which to break it in!

Ginger Leigh's Fabulous Shopping Spree Contest! (my wishlist)

Here's my entry for Ginger Leigh's Fabulous Shopping Spree Contest!

My wishlist:

Selene Vibrating Clitoral Pump ($33.99) A greater external exposure of my clit + sounds amazing.

Nipplettes ($29.19) My nipples are wicked sensitive, and I've always been curious about nipple clamps.

Thigh Harness ($25.89) This looks like it would create a lot of possibilities for penetration.

Squirting Realistic Cock ($ 51.49) I ejaculate plenty, but I don't really get to see it happen, and would really like to.

Curve Violet Dildo ($ 70.99) This is so darn pretty! It recommends itself to solo and partner play.

Lockable Vibrator Case (57.49) If I have this volume of sex toys, I'm going to need somewhere to keep them all!

Lucid Dream No. 54 ($32.19) I love the Lucid Dreams line, and I've been meaning to pick this one up.

Pro Touch Vibrator ($38.19)

G-Force (50.89) This strikes me as a dream come true for deep, hard, fucking either with a partner or on my own.

Share (94.99) Do I really need to explain the appeal?

Door Jam Cuffs ($26.89) Consensual helplessness is hot - I like to get down on my knees for people, and this way I wouldn't have to worry about them falling.

VibraFun Crop ($55.89) Vibrating Crop = Brilliant.

Super Cuffs (29.89) I want to have my hands tied behind my back and get fucked from behind.

OhMiBod (72.49) I love music, I love sex, I've been posting about wanting to try this forever!

Natural Countours Energie ($33.89) I could probably use a little help working on my kegels.

Layaspot ($61.89) I've heard such good things about this vibrator, I would like to give it a try.

Vibe Wrist To Finger (39.49) Convenient and so hot looking!

E-Z Rider With 6 Inch Realistic Dildo (42.19) This looks like an awesome way to fuck myself from on top.

Boy Butter Lubricant (27.89)

Lucid Curves #21 (25.19) Again, love the Lucid line, and sometimes you just need something to pay some serious attention to your clit.

Snugglepuss ($53.19) I've always been curious about this one.

= $954.60

materialism - money buying me love

Things that always make me temporarily happy, when I buy them:
lingerie
sex toys
makeup
shoes
earrings
things in which to put other things - boxes, bags, tins, cases, etc.
all varieties of post-its
stationary

-basically, things that make me feel a) attractive b) organized

Clearly, the job of some of these things is longer lasting than just their purchase, ie) actually feeling pretty whilst wearing said makeup, shoes, earrings, and lingerie, orgasms achieved with the aid of sex toys, the organization of my life via containers and post-its, and the communiques written on stationary. I think I have solid evidence for my feeling that I express myself better in writing than I do I verbally.

shout- out

I have the distinct honor and privilege of performing in V-Day Boulder's production of 'The Vagina Monologues' again this year.

During this process I have been fortunate enough to meet Essin' Em. She's gorgeous, brilliant, talented, and fabulous. I could have told you this on my own, but many others share my opinion, including bestsextoyreviewers.com who voted her the best sex toy reviewer this year. I envy the work that goes in to being awarded such an honor! Rori of www.betweenmysheets.com named her one of the top all-round sex bloggers. So check her out. Adore her as I do.

Also, wherever you are, please go see a local V-Day production. www.vday.org

accidental discoveries

I am currently in awe of the volume and selection of sex toys, props, safer sex accouterments, and sexual aids available on Amazon.
I discovered this during a search for pasties. I don't know that I have a particularly legitimate reason for wanting pasties, or an identifiable need for them. You know how it is sometimes. I just want some, cool ones from Bristol6

or Pastease.
What with the nipple piercings and all, maybe this isn't a completely stupid idea. I make an effort to purchase lingerie that keeps the tripple-nipple effect from the barbels concealed in all appropriate situations, but sometimes either it's just not quite enough, or I find myself wearing somewhat less modest and more delicate bras.

At any rate, Amazon has freakin' everything. At some level of course I knew this, but SERIOUSLY. I was sort of expecting sex toys on amazon to fall into one of two categories: the vaguely sketching, not high quality or reputible type, OR, the incredibly high-end, specialized, expensive, designeresque type. I was delighted to discover that this is not in fact the case. They have an awesomely wide selection. Of course! It's Amazon!

Maybe this will somehow facilitate my purchasing an iPod vibrator one of these days... and just imagine the possibilities for my wish list!

Confession

Yesterday, I bought a personal massager. No, really, an item which even I believe is intended for the relief and relaxation of sore muscles in the neck and shoulders.
I am a little embarrassed because I spend so much time laughing at 'personal massagers' in places like the drug store, Brookstone, Target, WALMART of all places (apparently its okay to jerk off, so long as you don't admit to it, but heaven and the Right-Wing, Conservative God forbid that one might need Plan-B )and even at the sex store when the packaging (often due to state laws about shipping and dispensing sex toys. Pardon me, 'Adult novelties') declares the item to be such. I just really feel as though these people aren't fooling anyone, and we all need to get over it. The mystery and shame around masturbation and the use of sex toys in general needs to be lifted, and definitely needs to be removed from the realm of law.

"It is illegal to sell vibrators in the follow states: Alabama, Missippi, Georgia, Louisiana, and Indiana. In some states, if you are caught with intent to sell, you could receieve up to five thousand dollars in fines and face up to 3 years of hard labor. It is totally legal to sell guns in all of these states. We have yet to hear of a mass murder committed with a vibrator"
-Eve Ensler, 'The Vagina Monologues, V-Day Edition' Facts from "The Technology of Orgasm" by Rachel Maines.

My personal massager, which I repeat, is not a vibrator; I am well-supplied in those, came with a recharging base, so it doesn't need batteries. It claims to be a deep-kneeding massager, and has an easy to hold handle. The balls on the end that vibrate light up. I don't know why. It is manufactured by HoMedics, who claim to be the top-selling retailer of personal massagers and home spa products.

So in this instance, I suppose I must eat many of my words, and admit that sometimes, a massager is just a massager. Although, with the creative thinking of that paragon of informed sexuality of Samatha Jones, one never knows.

Brookstone Customer: I think this one really is a back-massager.
Samantha : Not if you mount it.

Rabbit Amnesty and Kidnapping

It was not too long ago that I expressed my concern that sex be ecologically sound and sustainable.
In England, LoveHoney has taken a step in that direction. They have a sex-toy recycling program!


Its not entirely clear to me whether or not this applies solely to rabbit vibrators, or if other sex toys can be recycled as well. In either case, its a step in the right direction, and given the enormous popularity of rabbit vibrators, a pretty big one at that. As an added incentive for the Rabbit Amnesty program, if you do recycle your old rabbit, they'll give you a new one at half-price! How cool is that!

I'm genuinely curious to know what exactly happens to the recycled components of the rabbits. Is the silicone melted down and re-formed? If so, is it re-formed into shiny new rabbits, or something else? What else would it be turned into!? I dare to conjecture that we may someday soon be looking at the possibility of vibrators made from post-industrial material. And why not? Goodness knows what was done with the class/aluminum/fibers that are recycled into new products. The recycling process of those things involves such thorough sterilization that it doesn't really matter. In Prince Edward Island they have only glass beverage containers. Bottles are sterilized and re-used as they are until they are no longer fit for re-use, at which point they are melted down and made into new bottles. Granted, they don't give you a coke for half-price when you recycle the bottle from your last one, but they do give you a deposit fee back on recyclables. When I was a kid I did pretty well at the corner market exchanging bottles I found on the ground for candy.

The only trouble is...

someone stole a shipment of vibrators on their way to be recycled....

Six cartons of toys cleaned and on their way to be recycled were stolen. Their estimated value was 750 pounds - $1118.40 based on today's exchange rate.
I am going to assume that either there must have been toys other than rabbits were in those boxes, or that there is a depreciation of the value of a used sex toy (the rate and calculation of which I would dearly love to know). At about 25 pounds for a new rabbit from LoveHoney, the estimated value of the stolen sex toys would mean that they boxes contained 30 rabbits, which it seems to me would need fewer than six cartons to contain them. It also means that the exchange rate on sex toys from the U.K. to America is really high. While 750 pounds sterling will buy you 30 rabbits (shipping not included) at LoveHoney, $1118.40 will only buy you 12.4 of the original RabbitHabbit from Babeland.

Evidence suggests that the theives planned to sell the stolen goods. There have been reports of people offered cheap sex-toys in pubs in the area. ew. Look out if you are approached by someone selling rabbits in Bath, cause, um, you wouldn't be sketched out by someone selling sex toys places other than a store anyway.

Cuming for the Cure

I was all set to write a post about the vibrator I recently gave a friend of mine, which was at the check-out, impulse purchase section at Fascinations.
The packaging proclaimed that this product was to benefit breast cancer research.
It was purple, not pink. It did not say 'hope' anywhere on the vibrator.
It was a multi-speed, I think about 4 inches long, with a slight g-spot curve. Two double-A batteries not included.

I have been scouring the internet in attempts to find out more information about this sex toy to benefit cancer research but have found absolutely no information with which to try to compose witty prose.

So let's just say : HEY, go to your local sex store and see if they have them. Buy many. Cum for the cure and give them to everyone you know who might also enjoy a vibrator for the cause.

For that tingly fresh feeling!

I never thought I would hear myself say this, but:

Why does everything vibrate these days? Seriously.
The vibrating razor business really just strikes me as dangerous. I far prefer a steady sharp blade against my skin. Doesn’t a sharp thing that moves on its own seem more likely to cause cuts than one that does not.

Once a trend like that hits the market it will of course spread like wildfire:

The Neutrogena vibrating face scrubber
It even looks like a vibrator! I realize that young people – I’m sure the target market here is young women, will do damn near anything and try any crazy thing that’s thrown at them to get rid of acne. I’ve been there. This however I’m sure is little more than a thiny veiled way for a skin-care company to sell discreet vibrators to teenage girls. Even if it isn’t there plan, I guarantee you that the Wave is being used to stimulate just as many clitori as it is skin cells. I knew more than one girl at boarding school who was especially attached to her electric toothbrush.

Given that, I need to say that I’m entirely in favor of younger women being able to access sex toys. Masturbation after is, as they say, the safest sex there is. In a world where sex is getting scarier and more dangerous and an understanding of it is being increasingly limited by the powers that soon will not be, teenage girls being told not to have sex should have a little help getting off. I think it’s a little stupid and short sited that one needs to be 18 in order to enter a sex store or purchase sex toys. There’s no age floor to purchasing safer sex aids and such in pharmacies and grocery stores, nor should there be.

TEENAGERS HAVE SEX.
They have conventional intercourse, which we have been told is the only kind of sex there is. They engage in other activities that contain the word sex. They do things that I certainly think qualify as sex that aren’t generally labeled as such. Most of them also masturbate, and giving them a little encouragement and assistance in doing so might do wonders for them and society at large.* I don’t think that selling younger people sex toys is going to stop them from having sex, but I do think that it just might increase sexual control and personal agency for them, and could be part of a larger project of safer and informed sexuality for young people.

I’m reminded of the ‘Relaxeciser’ on Mad Men.** A young secretary discovers that a weight-loss belt that her firm is marketing to women has the effect of being rather “stimulating in a certain area.” Those marketing the product are never clear whether or not this side effect is intended, but take it as a point in the product’s favor and try subtly to integrate it into the campaign.

Good on you Neutrogena. The wave retails for about $14.00. Not bad for a vibrator. For the time being I’ll ignore the fact that the disposable pads that are used to clean the skin are incredibly wasteful and make the gadget a costly and environmentally unsound way to refresh one’s ‘skin’. Heck maybe my ‘skin’ needs some refreshing – the wave even comes in my favorite color.

*I’m picturing malls and streets without roving hoards of teenagers, because they’re all at home jerking off.

** A truly brilliant show

in praise of the world wide web

I know this is a bit 'johnny -come -lately,' but I've been thinking about just what a valuable resource the internet is in terms of sexuality.
1) sex toys
I can't imagine how many more people feel comfortable purchasing their sex accouterments this way than would have felt able to walk into a sex store to browse and purchase. I got my first vibrator this way when I was still shy of doing so in person, which is hard to imagine now. This is also how I procured my harness, which technically I found at Oh My! but which they didn't have in my size at the time.
2) communities
How on earth did people with less than common fetishes find each other, or talk about their kinks before? Personal ads? Those horrible phone dating connection things for which there are far too many television ads? Phone sex services? There are so many resources for finding out about one's kink and other people who might share it via the web.
3) general dating
Seriously. So many people seem to find or nourish their relationships with the help of the internet nowadays. Mine didn't start there exactly, but it certainly was a useful tool in keeping it strong during nearly a year of long-distance. Again I think this is particularly relevant for special-needs/special interest/minority groups. Granted, my attempt at internet personals yielded only creepy old men and emo teen-aged girls, but I've heard many tales of it being quite effective, for everything from the most casual of sex to the most serious of relationships.
4) information
Obviously. When kids aren't allowed to learn about sex in any real way in their schools, and there are so many questions about what kind of care/safer sex/birth control/sti testing methods in so many places, people are given the ability to find them. Of course, there's a lot of misinformation to be had there as well. A friend and I once commiserated about a site reassuring us that we did not, in fact, have herpes following a case of ingrown hairs for one, and pimples for the other.*
5)communication
With significant or less-significant others, sex advice/therapy, and needless to say but said anyway, blogging.

*I'm really so super-responsible about testing, communicating, and being safe(r) but we all get a little paranoid now and again. I am happy to report that said friend is the same way.

Is this covered by my insurance?

Have you seen the Walgreens website?
Every time I get a receipt that says I could win $3000.00 there, I go. I never really paid much attention to the rest of it.

When working on the online prescription service, M.A. pointed out the 'sexual wellness section.'
HOLY.CRAP. We were both expecting something along the lines of what is available at our local Walgreens, the sexual wellness products of which include birth control, condoms, lube - pretty good lube really, one or two really unremarkable looking 'personal massagers' and at-home test kits for pregnancy and HIV. OH! and let us not forget KY yours + mine! Really, the usual.

The Walgreens website basically has a sex store. Click on 'sexual wellness' and one of the first things you will see is the liberator. These are most certainly not available at my local branch of the pharmacy. There are romance games at Walgreens.com. Can you imagine the impact of Walgreens locations actually carrying all of these things? Do some of them? Or do some of them carry better sex stuff than mine?! I want to know if there are really branches in which I could walk in and buy a liberator. I've been saying for years that Target needs to carry sex-toys, in their own little section of course, and it would seem that Walgreens has gotten one step closer, online.

I'm mostly surprised because I generally expect such large corporations to be boring and generally opposed to interesting and/or safe sex. This was a truly delightful surprise. Kudos, Walgreens. Now if only you could ever fill my prescriptions on time.

getting down and dirty with mother earth

In honor of Earth Day, I want to talk about sustainable/eco friendly sex toys and accouterments. After all, sex falls into the list of the top five most natural things for a human body to do.

If you stop to think about it, safer sex devices and toys have the potential to create an awful lot of needless waste: latex and non-latex condoms, gloves, and dams going in the trash.* For the toys, there are batteries and gross over packaging- remember when you unpacked your latest butt plug/vibrator/dildo? Wasn't it ridiculous how much plastic you had to dig through to get to your toy? If we were to get really big-picture about it, which we really should, there's a horrific amount of packing materials used if our toys/porn/lingerie come to us through the mail. That isn't even factoring in the fuel usage of shipping them.

Once upon a time, the only eco-friendly material out of which toys were made was glass. They make for absolutely beautiful toys. They are also expensive as hell and honestly, not all of us want glass shoved up our naughty bits, no matter how many times we've been assured that they're shatter proof.

Now, there are a range of sex toys made out of sustainable wood, also available from our friends at Babeland: "Meticulously created from sustainable organic hardwood and coated with gentle, surgical grade Lubrosity™ for easy care, the Flip combines art, pleasure, and conscience in one incredibly beautiful package. Each Flip is a unique piece of artwork, so the size of toy and color/grain of the wood will vary" Sustainable wood floggers and paddles are also available.

There are a lot of options now for vibrators that plug in or recharge like the gigi,if one doesn't always happen to be getting down conveniently close Again, the major draw backs being the high cost.

And of course, a sexy Earth Day celebration wouldn't be complete without a complete eco-sex kit.

I haven't yet managed to come upon a condom, dam, or glove that is made in an environmentally friendly way, but as Hank Green points out on ecogeek.org thanks to various forms of birth control, we've been able to cut down on human population, thereby preventing a greater strain on non-renewable resources. I shudder to think about the possible campaigns by pro-lifers about fetus dumping as medical waste. Let's compost!

treehugger has some great guides to buying green lube and sex toys.

Alas, as Dan Savage recently addressed, there are not currently good options for recycling sex toys, and honestly, there are limits to buying vintage.


*I've yet to hear of a reusable barrier...ew

OhMiBod

The Lovely Lauren brought this to my attention, after I talked about another iVibrator towards which Dan Savage pointed me.
Now, I’ve been trying to explain, to relatively little avail the commodification and ‘coolification’ of sex toys for a while now. Vibrators among certain young and hip sets are akin to bags and shoes in terms of status and indie cool to others. It isn’t really about how much you spent on your sex toy(s) it’s about having them, shopping for them, knowing about them, and talking about them. It’s a culture of ‘if you know you know’ much the same way as the rest of idie/hipster culture is.

At my lovely Alma Mater, it was quite common for groups of friends, social clubs, etc to make jaunts both to the local sex store downtown, and to make day-trips to those further a field, to the sketchy warehouses along the highway in Connecticut, or big-name stores like Good Vibrations and Babeland in Boston and New York respectively.

I think these good people hit the nail on the head in saying: OhMiBod harnesses the iPod movement and popularity to bring a higher level of acceptance and openness about sexuality in a fun and liberating way. By ‘harnessing the iPod movement’ they mean ‘cashing in on brand power-cool’. Since when does a music player constitute a movement? Yes, they’re everywhere, yes, almost everyone has one, (including, I’m told, her Royal Majesty Queen Elizabeth II) and I have no idea how I ever lived, or could live without one again. But can we really believe that by putting the ‘i’ in front of a sex toy, this thing is going to change the way that people think about sex, and the use of sex toys? I’ll grant you there are most likely a fair number of people who wouldn’t otherwise really consider buying a sex toy who will feel at liberty to do so because now it has the white silhouetted figure endorsing it. I don’t think that these people will be prudes, just boring suburbanites who somehow haven’t yet caught on to pleasure parties (the Tupperware of sex toys) who have dangly shit on their phones and will buy pretty much anything with the right logo.

There are nifty accessories available for the OhMiBod as well! My favorite accessory is the garter holder, seen above. It’s like the strap I wear on my arm at the gym, but pink, and goes around one’s thigh! The only problem is that it seems as though the only models are built to fit nanos and minis. What about all of those larger iPods, the third, forth, and fifth generation ones that are far too wide for the strap? Maybe the gym armband will have to do in a pinch.

Along with accessories for the toy itself, there are OhMiBod blogs, and playlists. It really is creating a whole elite culture around a sex toy. I’m having a hard time believing that this is really people being open about their sexuality, and not people trying to show the world how cool and liberated they are, because they have sex toys, and blog about them.*

*I'm totally aware of the fact that I'm blogging about sex toys and thereby trying to prove how cool and liberated I am in regards to sexuality