Okay,
at this point I think we just need to say the summer was a wash and move on with it.
I am a nerdy nerdface and all, but I really have never wanted the summer to end so badly so I could get back to the business of school, etc. I am, of course, also terrified. This is theoretically my LAST semester of my Master's degree. Holy pressure cooker, batman!
It's weird, but probably true that getting back to the ol' scholastic routine will actually be easier and less hectic than my current life on the Fringe, and everything else that's been thrown at me this summer.
As I am well stocked with school supplies, and can't honestly say that I need clothes, I got myself the G-Force, and layaspot for fall! They've been on my wish list (both mental and literal) for a while, so I figured now was as good a time as any. It really isn't, given that I haven't been employed for the greater part of the summer, and get paid MONTHLY.
I can't be completely responsible and frugal all the time. The 07-08 school year was so difficult with my student loans not clearing until MAY, and trying to live on my meager savings of a year off and a $7 an hour job. I didn't have enough socks, by any standard, there were holes in my boots, and I had huge hospital bills and no way of paying them. Things are better now, but I think it put me a little bit into the 'poverty mentality,' fearing lack and almost always feeling it, such that I became a little self-pitying and overindulgent for a while. I think I am approaching a healthy balance of all of what I need, and some of what I want - paying the bills and not having a minor anxiety attack about buying a pumpkin-spice latte.
What did all of that have to do with sex?
A: investing in my well-being, happiness, and satisfaction, which I have been convinced falls somewhere in the 'things I need' category, right up there with a gym membership and decent skin care products.
I will report back on my purchases soon, as well as the long-since-overdue posts I've promised.
xo
Friday, August 21, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
Life on the Fringe
I know, I promised to post more.
I'm working on my post about my getting over some hang ups and getting down with myself.
I took some time while Mon Amore was away to use the time and space to get comfortable with masturbating, and figure out what works for me in that way, beyond the basic, 'okay, I had an orgasm.' Full details to come.
I'm working like crazy right now for the Boulder International Fringe Festival.
So far the two shows I've seen are great and super-interesting.
5th Circle Theatre Company is putting on 'Pick Your Own Path,: The Return of the Mystery of the Journey Through Time to the Secret Lost City of the Evil Robotic Abominable Snowman King of Nabooti (Zombie Space Ninja Pirates!!!): A Musical Adventure'
Theatre Reverb presents 'Bonne Nuit Poo Poo,'This wild, interactive, comedic tale is inspired by the Mad Max trilogy and its erotic science fiction dystopian genre, Goodnight Moon, and all other cultural ephemera connected to goodbyes and imagined end times. Max, Maxi and the Operator hunt for a living seed in this action-packed collage of pop-culture and apocalyptic fantasy film featuring video, text, movement, dance, and stream-of-consciousness comedy.
The Venue is the Community Dance Collective in Boulder.
go to 2125 Pearl, business between 21st and 22nd Sts. that is Futon store, enter their parking lot, go left at end of their building, studio will be directly in front of you.
Come see a show!!!
I'm working on my post about my getting over some hang ups and getting down with myself.
I took some time while Mon Amore was away to use the time and space to get comfortable with masturbating, and figure out what works for me in that way, beyond the basic, 'okay, I had an orgasm.' Full details to come.
I'm working like crazy right now for the Boulder International Fringe Festival.
So far the two shows I've seen are great and super-interesting.
5th Circle Theatre Company is putting on 'Pick Your Own Path,: The Return of the Mystery of the Journey Through Time to the Secret Lost City of the Evil Robotic Abominable Snowman King of Nabooti (Zombie Space Ninja Pirates!!!): A Musical Adventure'
Theatre Reverb presents 'Bonne Nuit Poo Poo,'This wild, interactive, comedic tale is inspired by the Mad Max trilogy and its erotic science fiction dystopian genre, Goodnight Moon, and all other cultural ephemera connected to goodbyes and imagined end times. Max, Maxi and the Operator hunt for a living seed in this action-packed collage of pop-culture and apocalyptic fantasy film featuring video, text, movement, dance, and stream-of-consciousness comedy.
The Venue is the Community Dance Collective in Boulder.
go to 2125 Pearl, business between 21st and 22nd Sts. that is Futon store, enter their parking lot, go left at end of their building, studio will be directly in front of you.
Come see a show!!!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
discomfort
Apologies for the hiatus. Life happened, I allowed it to prevent me from writing.
The truth is that I find it difficult honestly to talk about myself. No, really.
The feedback which I have consistently been getting for the past two years at Naropa is that I am 'too academic' and do not speak enough from my own experience. I find it uncomfortable.
On that subject, Mon Amore had the following to say,
"That's kind of what you (all) do there (Naropa). You drink chai and feel uncomfortable. "
I have spent so much of my life cultivating a certain kind of persona - one that is glib and detached, and that laughs away its discomfort and unhappiness. I am afraid of making myself vulnerable by really exposing myself. I am afraid of being disliked, or unlovable for having feelings that I think of as negative, undesirable, or unpleasant. Blame it on being a WASP, blame it on being a woman trying to succeed in male-dominated academics, (not to mention, um, society), blame it on the person who told me that people didn't like me because I was gloomy when I was a child, blame it on the Bossanova, but there it is.
I've spent most of the life that I can remember being entirely too busy to let my feelings in, or out, and made myself focus on what needed to be done. This obviously isn't healthy. I've been working on it in a number of ways, and now am coping to the fact in a public forum. *Whew*
Why is this relevant/Why am I telling you this?
Because it greatly affects the way that I talk and write about sex and sexuality. I've been a lot more comfortable being a bit detached on the issue, and very rarely writing about my own feelings, experiences, etc. Consider this my pledge to you and to me to try to be more honest and direct and to tell it like it is, and hopefully, therefore, to post a little more regularly.
Posts to follow:
issues in masturbation
when sex is too intense
Love,
Kinsey
The truth is that I find it difficult honestly to talk about myself. No, really.
The feedback which I have consistently been getting for the past two years at Naropa is that I am 'too academic' and do not speak enough from my own experience. I find it uncomfortable.
On that subject, Mon Amore had the following to say,
"That's kind of what you (all) do there (Naropa). You drink chai and feel uncomfortable. "
I have spent so much of my life cultivating a certain kind of persona - one that is glib and detached, and that laughs away its discomfort and unhappiness. I am afraid of making myself vulnerable by really exposing myself. I am afraid of being disliked, or unlovable for having feelings that I think of as negative, undesirable, or unpleasant. Blame it on being a WASP, blame it on being a woman trying to succeed in male-dominated academics, (not to mention, um, society), blame it on the person who told me that people didn't like me because I was gloomy when I was a child, blame it on the Bossanova, but there it is.
I've spent most of the life that I can remember being entirely too busy to let my feelings in, or out, and made myself focus on what needed to be done. This obviously isn't healthy. I've been working on it in a number of ways, and now am coping to the fact in a public forum. *Whew*
Why is this relevant/Why am I telling you this?
Because it greatly affects the way that I talk and write about sex and sexuality. I've been a lot more comfortable being a bit detached on the issue, and very rarely writing about my own feelings, experiences, etc. Consider this my pledge to you and to me to try to be more honest and direct and to tell it like it is, and hopefully, therefore, to post a little more regularly.
Posts to follow:
issues in masturbation
when sex is too intense
Love,
Kinsey
Thursday, June 4, 2009
On Monogamy
This post has been percolating in my head for a while. I've been having a hard time properly wording exactly what it is that I'm trying to express. I fully anticipate not doing so especially well, and offending/angering people, and for that I apologize in advance. (not that I have much of a readership to offend.)
Thus:
Let me first say that I have the utmost respect for polyamory, and polyamorous people and relationships. I think that its really, really, great that there is an increasing amount of space for, and understanding of, all kinds of ways of having and engaging in relationships in our society. I am completely and totally in support, of healthy, informed, consensual (and ideally, happy) relationships of all kinds.
I'm am familiar with the sociological and psychological arguments for, and reasoning behind non-monogamy. I'm also aware of the evolutionary anthropological evidence that monogamy in human romantic relationships are a relatively recent phenomenon and strictly speaking, not entirely 'natural.'*
What I do not understand is this: the fact that I get the distinct impression that in a lot of communities to which I think I belong, monogamy is NOT ALRIGHT. Non-monogamy is the norm. Being a norm isn't an issue as far as I'm concerned, what is an issue is the treatment of what falls outside the norm, being monogamous relationships. Being in the minority is fine by me. What is not fine is being treated as though I am some kind of behind-the-times, prudish, uptight, un-liberated, freak for having a monogamous relationship. It's like Mon Amore and I are dinosaurs, or the last unicorns or something.
We have discussed it. We considered making our relationship work in that way. M.A. and I came to the conclusion that that is not who we are, how we work, or the way that we want to have our relationship. It's not for us, as individuals, or as a couple.
So why is that not alright!? People inquiring do not ask 'Are you two monogamous,' or 'Are you in an open relationship?,' but rather they say, 'You guys are open, right?' or, 'So you're poly.' They also seem genuinely shocked and disgusted that no, actually, we're not.
I RESPECT YOUR SEXUAL IDENTITY AND RELATIONSHIPS,
WHY CAN'T YOU RESPECT MINE?
Honestly. Creating a new dominant paradigm and marginalizing/persecuting people outside of it is not at all better or more alright than the old paradigm and systems of oppression against which you are fighting. The oppressed becoming the oppressors. The subject has been deeply explored over the past couple of centuries, in regards to things like revolutions: a minority gains power over the majority population that was oppressing them, or a less privileged socio-economic class overthrows an upper-class minority that has been keeping them down, and then proceeds in no time at all to engage in all the same kinds of discriminatory, keeping-people-down, FUCKED UP activities as the people that they overthrew did against them.
Alright, I'm done now.
*I might point out that a heck of a lot of the things we do nowadays bare no resemblance to anything natural whatsoever, but I digress.
Thus:
Let me first say that I have the utmost respect for polyamory, and polyamorous people and relationships. I think that its really, really, great that there is an increasing amount of space for, and understanding of, all kinds of ways of having and engaging in relationships in our society. I am completely and totally in support, of healthy, informed, consensual (and ideally, happy) relationships of all kinds.
I'm am familiar with the sociological and psychological arguments for, and reasoning behind non-monogamy. I'm also aware of the evolutionary anthropological evidence that monogamy in human romantic relationships are a relatively recent phenomenon and strictly speaking, not entirely 'natural.'*
What I do not understand is this: the fact that I get the distinct impression that in a lot of communities to which I think I belong, monogamy is NOT ALRIGHT. Non-monogamy is the norm. Being a norm isn't an issue as far as I'm concerned, what is an issue is the treatment of what falls outside the norm, being monogamous relationships. Being in the minority is fine by me. What is not fine is being treated as though I am some kind of behind-the-times, prudish, uptight, un-liberated, freak for having a monogamous relationship. It's like Mon Amore and I are dinosaurs, or the last unicorns or something.
We have discussed it. We considered making our relationship work in that way. M.A. and I came to the conclusion that that is not who we are, how we work, or the way that we want to have our relationship. It's not for us, as individuals, or as a couple.
So why is that not alright!? People inquiring do not ask 'Are you two monogamous,' or 'Are you in an open relationship?,' but rather they say, 'You guys are open, right?' or, 'So you're poly.' They also seem genuinely shocked and disgusted that no, actually, we're not.
I RESPECT YOUR SEXUAL IDENTITY AND RELATIONSHIPS,
WHY CAN'T YOU RESPECT MINE?
Honestly. Creating a new dominant paradigm and marginalizing/persecuting people outside of it is not at all better or more alright than the old paradigm and systems of oppression against which you are fighting. The oppressed becoming the oppressors. The subject has been deeply explored over the past couple of centuries, in regards to things like revolutions: a minority gains power over the majority population that was oppressing them, or a less privileged socio-economic class overthrows an upper-class minority that has been keeping them down, and then proceeds in no time at all to engage in all the same kinds of discriminatory, keeping-people-down, FUCKED UP activities as the people that they overthrew did against them.
Alright, I'm done now.
*I might point out that a heck of a lot of the things we do nowadays bare no resemblance to anything natural whatsoever, but I digress.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Even more underwear!
My online order from the Victoria's Secret Semi - Annual Sale just arrived!
It doesn't start in stores for another month, at which point you bet your ass I'll be there. There were just a couple of things I had to snap up right away some of which aren't offered in my local store, like the Intimissimi line, which I adore.
Being:
I'm super in love with the sailor-stripe looking set, and all about bustier/corset type things.
A friend informed me that underwires can cut off or put pressure on your lymph nodes. I'm a little skeptical about that, but I'm going to give the wireless thing a try in stores, and see if anything terrifically impresses me. I've tried on a couple of (non-sports bra) wireless styles, and never been convinced that they really did the job.
I swear, I will visually catalog my collection ASAP.
It doesn't start in stores for another month, at which point you bet your ass I'll be there. There were just a couple of things I had to snap up right away some of which aren't offered in my local store, like the Intimissimi line, which I adore.
Being:
I'm super in love with the sailor-stripe looking set, and all about bustier/corset type things.
A friend informed me that underwires can cut off or put pressure on your lymph nodes. I'm a little skeptical about that, but I'm going to give the wireless thing a try in stores, and see if anything terrifically impresses me. I've tried on a couple of (non-sports bra) wireless styles, and never been convinced that they really did the job.
I swear, I will visually catalog my collection ASAP.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
howdy, neighbour!
I can't decide if it's better or worse to know the people on the other side of the bedroom wall.
Monday, May 11, 2009
new digs, can you dig it?
Mon Amore and I just began to move into our fabulous, spacious, airy, new ground floor apartment!
Things about the ground floor apartment: we're going to have to be careful about closing the blinds (in the living room AND the bedroom) so people can't see us having sex when they walk by!
No free shows here.
Things about which one does not need to worry on the third floor, with no one else's windows facing ours.
We were discussing earlier what to do about moving sex toys and porn so that no one will see/hear them. The answer we've come up with is as follows: make sure all batteries are removed, pack securely, and label as something really, really uninteresting and vaguely personal, such as 'taxes' or 'applications'.
We also got a great new television to go along with the great new apartment at a really good deal, on which to watch porn. Perhaps we'll have to get something exciting and new with which to break it in!
Things about the ground floor apartment: we're going to have to be careful about closing the blinds (in the living room AND the bedroom) so people can't see us having sex when they walk by!
No free shows here.
Things about which one does not need to worry on the third floor, with no one else's windows facing ours.
We were discussing earlier what to do about moving sex toys and porn so that no one will see/hear them. The answer we've come up with is as follows: make sure all batteries are removed, pack securely, and label as something really, really uninteresting and vaguely personal, such as 'taxes' or 'applications'.
We also got a great new television to go along with the great new apartment at a really good deal, on which to watch porn. Perhaps we'll have to get something exciting and new with which to break it in!
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